Sunday, February 15, 2015

An Apology to 50 Shades of Grey Fans

Dear Friend,

I realized today that some of the things I have posted about 50 Shades of Grey came across as judgmental.  That was absolutely never my intent.  I am so sorry you felt that way.  You see, judging is forming an opinion or conclusion about someone or something.  I love you.  My opinion of you has not changed.  You hold the same place in my heart that you always have.  I think no less of you.  I am also sorry that I made the issue strictly about 50 Shades of Grey and made it seem like I was attacking you.  I shouldn't have done that.  The issue is much larger than that and it compasses our entertainment industry as a whole.  Please don't stop reading.  Please give me a chance to come alongside you and walk with you for a moment. 

My intent in posting those articles was to help others, to help you, see why it might not be the best decision.  I wanted to help at least one person avoid the destructiveness that I fell into in my past.

Did you read those articles?  Or just get offended that I posted them?  I was hoping that you would actually read them.  They were wholesome, non-judgmental articles written to come alongside others and help them on the narrow, bumpy road we are walking.  They weren't written to hurt you and I didn't post them to hurt you.  I am so sorry that you felt judged.

My heart is broken over the whole situation.  I know you don't feel the same way that I do, but I think Satan has won with this one. I have had to ask myself the questions below about certain TV shows, books, and movies that I enjoyed.  And after answering them honestly, and truly listening to the Holy Spirit, I changed my thought process.  As noted earlier, this should not be applied to just 50 Shades of Grey, there is a much bigger issue at hand here.  It should be applied to all of the entertainment we allow in our lives.  When reading these questions please, first apply them to all of the entertainment in your life, not just 50 Shades.  And second, please be honest with yourself.  

1. At any point while you are reading the book/watching the movie/show do you feel a little bit uncomfortable, do you blush?  This, undoubtedly, is the Holy Spirit's nudging.  When you get that feeling in your chest that something might not be usually isn't.  And the Holy Spirit is trying to tell you so.  I used to watch Orange is the New Black until I realized I had this feeling in my chest, an uncomfortable feeling, almost every time I watched it.  The Holy Spirit was telling me it wasn't such a great idea.

2. Do you get turned on at any point while reading or watching?  And, yes, I mean that kind of turned on.  If so, it is probably not a choice Christ would be okay with.  Being aroused is something that should be for our spouses alone.  I absolutely hate the idea of my husband being aroused by anything other than me.  Porn is porn.  It doesn't have to be visual.  "Girl" porn is written and I know, first hand, how addicting and destructive it can be.  I haven't read 50 Shades of Grey in its entirety but I have read enough excerpts to know that the words in those pages would turn me on.  And I wouldn't be thinking about my husband.  That is, absolutely not, what Christ intended for our sexuality.

3.  It is cliche - but would you read the book / watch the movie/show if Christ were sitting in the room with you?  Yes, He loves everyone.  Yes, He spent a lot of time with sinners.  But because He loved those sinners, because He loves me and you - He never allows us to stay where we are.  His response to those that came before Him with questionable activities was "Go and sin no more."  

Or, think about the person you admire most because of their faith.  Think of the person that you know Christ would be extremely proud of.  Would you invite them to come see the movie?  Or tell them they should read the book?  Another show I used to watch a lot was Weeds.  And I don't think you would argue with me if I said  there was no way I would invite my pastor or mentor to come have a watch party.

Or, is it something that the church youth group should go see in theaters?  Or would that make you a bit uncomfortable?  There are plenty of movies (outside of the Christian realm) that I would be okay sending our church youth to see.  But there are some movies that I have seen that I would be outraged if the youth group decided to go.....I think 50 Shades might be one of those....why?  You tell me.

Please hear me when I say that I am in no way judging you.  My heart hurts for you, because I've been there.  I have justified the shows I was watching, the books I was reading, by saying that it was just fiction, that it wasn't really about that but about the greater story of true love or the power to overcome or whatever the plot may actually be.  I had a right to read what I wanted, to watch what I wanted. 

And, I hate to say it, but those images (whether written or seen) are hard, if not impossible, to ever forget.  And that truly isn't fair to my husband.  Christ intended our marriage bed to be pure, only us - I shouldn't be thinking about the book I read earlier and he shouldn't be thinking about that scene in Sons of Anarchy that he just should be the two of us as one.  How can we be one if we're not even thinking about each other?  How can we be one if I am turned on by a book more than I am my own husband?

I know these are issues.  Because I personally struggle with them.  I hope I have, at least, helped you see where I was coming from.  I was not judging.  I was only trying to help others avoid the trap that I fell into.

I am sorry that it did not come across that way.


  1. I think it is very hard to speak Truth in a way that is full of grace; though you accomplished this wonderfully in the above article. I'm glad there are people like you who are willing to speak out against the messages being fed to young women that any and all sexual expression is "good and right". Even though these messages promise sexually freedom, they encourage behaviors that put women at risk of being abused and emotionally manipulated. Promiscuity causes long-term emotional and physical damage, and yet our society continues to promote it in every form of media available.
    God loves us and doesn't want to see us hurt by these lies, and as women, we need to protect each other from these lies as well. Thank you for your blog.

    1. Thank YOU for your reply. I was so nervous about posting this because of how hard it is to speak the Truth in grace without being condemned as "judgy" and "hypocritical." There were so many more things I could have touched base on, some of which you mentioned here. Spiritual warfare is a real thing. And Satan is winning in the realm of media. Thanks again for the positive reinforcement!! It does my heart good.


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