Baby Talk: Why We Didn't Wait the Typical 12 Weeks

Just to clarify - every person is different and needs to make their own decisions.  This is just our personal decision and we would not judge anyone for deciding differently then we have.  This is simply a story of how we arrived at our decision. 

When we found out we were pregnant, it was one of the most joyous moments of our lives.  And probably one of the most overwhelming.  In that moment, everything changed.  Even though we have been trying for a baby for almost a year...the reality that it was happening hit us full force - the good and the bad.  But mostly, we realized we had about a million and a half decisions to make in the next 9 months.

One of the decisions we had to make was when we would tell everyone.  I knew I couldn't keep a secret for long (which might be one of the reasons we decided not to).  You see, I have the worst poker face.  And since we've been married 3 years and we just got a new house, the world wants to know when we're having a baby - and so they ask, any chance they get!  ha!  I cannot tell a lie.  Quite literally. I really think it's God's way of dealing with the fact that I lied quite a bit when I was a child...but that's a story for another time.  ;)

But everyone knows you aren't supposed to tell most people until the 3 month mark aka 12 weeks aka the 2nd trimester.  And why?  Because the chance for miscarriage decreases significantly - from about a 10% chance to a 3% chance.  So, in other words, you don't tell anyone so that in case something bad happens, no one knows...  

Why have we (society) decided that's a good thing?  Once Hubby and I realized this, it just didn't make any sense.  If something were to go wrong, it isn't wise to carry that all on your own.  And, this may sound harsh, but if we aren't telling people to spare their feelings, to spare them the awkwardness of what to say or what to do in the event of a tragedy - then people need to grow up and learn how to deal with it.  Tragedy happens.  Why is it that miscarriages have become something we are supposed to hide?  Don't share some of the most exciting news of your life because well, it might not turn out how you hoped, and you should just deal with that loss all on your own.  We don't do that in any other area of our lives.  So why this one?  For instance, if a relative dies or if a child dies - we don't just pretend it didn't happen and keep it all inside.

Maybe, just maybe, this is all because society wants us to think that precious little gift isn't a life yet.  That until it is a "viable" pregnancy, it doesn't matter.  But that's just a hunch.  In reality, it is probably just because tough stuff like death and miscarriages (which in my book is the same as a death) make us uncomfortable. 

But, regardless, we decided that this news was too good to not share!  And if anything were to go wrong, we would want the support and love of our friends and family to surround us.  We did wait until about 9 weeks...just because we had different people we wanted to tell before the general public knew..and that took a little bit of time.  After this weekend, which was quite a roller-coaster, we are so very glad we made this choice.  

Last Wednesday I started spotting (for the 2nd time) (I apologize if this is too much information...but I promise it doesn't get more graphic than that).  Nothing too bad, but worse than before, so I waited to call the doctor until the next morning.  They told me to rest with my feet elevated until the spotting stopped and then for an additional 12-24 hours.  If the spotting got worse or if I had cramping with additional spotting, I was to go to the ER.  Friday, I went almost the entire day without incident.  But late that night I started getting really bad cramps.  But I wasn't spotting.  Until Saturday morning.  And then it was worse than it had ever been.  However according to everything online and what the doctor said, the ER wasn't necessary yet.  But I just didn't feel right.  

Thankfully, the Health Co-Op I am a part of had a complementary Teledoctor service 24/7.  I called within a half an hour of being out of bed and talked to an actual doctor within 15 minutes.  After explaining my situation, and adding that I hadn't had morning sickness since my spotting started, he told me to go to the ER.  With spotting and any change of symptoms, he said it was always important to make sure the "fetus" was okay.  In that moment I realized we hadn't gone already because I didn't want to hear bad news.  If I didn't go...the bad wasn't real.  I hung up the phone, told Hubby we needed to leave, and instantly burst into tears - "I don't want to go."  But I slowly changed out of my pajamas and gathered up what we needed.  I also managed to call my parents and have them put it across the church prayer chain.

After we got in the car, I was reminded of what I had read out of my Bible the night before, Philippians 4:6-7 - 6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. 7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.  From that point on, I had what I told Hubby was an "odd peace" about everything.  And I was able to practically discuss the 'what-ifs,' as painful as it was, while we waited in the ER.  And through it all, I knew our church and our childhood church and so many others were praying on our behalf, that on the other end of my phone were close friends praying with all of their might for us and our baby, checking in as often as they could.

The doctor came in, did my exam, and left.  He explained what he saw, but not what it meant.  Which only left us with more questions.  Then they came for my blood work.  And soon, my parents arrived from over an hour away.  The rest of the waiting was full of laughter as we reminisced over previous times in the hospital, which was much needed.  

After what felt like forever, they came and took me for my ultrasound, what would be my first.  No one was allowed to come with me since it was an ER admittance (I was heartbroken).  The ultrasound tech explained that she wasn't allowed to tell me anything but that they should have the results for me within a half an hour.  I couldn't even see the screen.  But God gave me the right tech because, as she did her exam, she turned on the sound and I heard a heartbeat - I've never been through that before, so I didn't want to get my hopes up...I wasn't entirely sure that's what I was hearing.  But the tech simply looked at me and said, "Does that tell you anything?"  With eager hope, I asked, "Are you serious?"  She nodded.  I instantly started crying and thanked her repeatedly, she simply said, "your welcome, I've been there..." and she finished her exam.

My heart wanted to jump out of my chest as I was being wheeled back to my room.  I waited until the nurse was gone (I was unsure if the tech was 'allowed' to do what she did) and burst out in a smile - "We have a heartbeat!"

The doctor came about 20 minutes later to tell us that the "fetus" was still "viable" and that my hormone levels looked good.  I was told to go home and rest, get plenty of fluids, and to get a hold of my doctor first thing Monday.  He didn't have an explanation for my spotting or cramping so they will probably run further tests.

The point of sharing all of this today was that we couldn't have gotten through this without the prayer, love, and support of everyone around us.  There were so many phone calls, text messages, and Facebook messages from people sharing their concern and letting us know we were being prayed for.  Even today, after deciding to go to church, the repeated encouragement of "we're praying for you guys, please keep us posted, get your rest, let me know if you need anything" was amazingly overwhelming.  I cannot imagine going through this without that support.  If we had only told our parents, we wouldn't have the entire network of our Family in Christ.  I will never regret for a second, sharing our news as early as we did...which was actually only 8 weeks instead of 9 like we thought.  After my ultrasound, the doctor was able to tell me, we are 9 weeks and 1 day (2 days now).  :)

Thank you Lord for miracles, for answers to prayer.  

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When did you tell everyone your big news?  And why?